August 3, 2016
I don’t know how long it has been since I have written. The end of school was a whirlwind and then we were off to Arizona and then back, getting summer jobs, and then off for a week at the beach – which was absolutely lovely. Now we are more or less back into the swing of things at home.
The trip to Arizona was quite an adventure! It was the week of record-breaking heat – over 120 degrees! None of us enjoyed that very much, but we did enjoy the swimming pool and great food and company at the LeBlancs’. We did an overnight in Sedona and an afternoon at the Grand Canyon – both of which were fantastic. We have a bazillion pictures! The thing that the boys liked most about that trip, however, was the go cart racing. J
Back at home, Ghani and Isa went to a tennis camp a few blocks from the house – they both loved it. Isa’s skill at volleyball translated handily to tennis, so he is evidently a natural with a mean serve. The Allen High School tennis coach was a teacher at the camp and wanted both Ghani and Isa to join the team – but it is the same season as volleyball, and Isa’s true love is volleyball, so I think the tennis team will only get one of our boys.
After a difficult start with missing paperwork and such, Isa finally started working at Dorney Park. He is enjoying it very much and has met kids from all over the world who come for the summer to work there. Isa has been studying for his driving permit test and is ready to go – we have been waiting on the physical form, which is ready, so I will be back at the DMV with Isa for the test. He is doing great and seems to be enjoying life – he has such a good attitude.
Ghani, Hedayat and Nolan were in NYC for a big soccer tournament from Thursday to Sunday. It was an adventure – and you can ask Nolan about it when you talk to him. I have to say, that for a guy who was about as uninterested in anything related to sports as a person can be, Nolan has turned into a really fabulous soccer dad! It is fun watching the boys play.
Hedayat is having a bit of a boring summer here at home as the dance camp he won hasn’t materialized. He is doing okay though – catching up on sleep. J We had a bit of a rough time between the Arizona trip and the Beach trip, but things turned around at the beach and since then he has been great.
Ghani has been practicing driving since he got his permit, and is anxious to get his license. We made the appointment in the beginning of July, and the earliest we could get was August 10th. In the meantime, he has started a car detailing business and is looking for customers. It was an interesting process, helping him get past the initial not knowing how to make it happen.
We run into things like that regularly – behaviors that seem out of place. There are some aspects that are cultural – having to do with the pressure these boys feel to succeed, since they were the ones who escaped. They have an obligation to do well for their families. Evidently it is also not common in Hazara culture to view failures as opportunities for learning. Failures are seen as an end and are avoided whenever possible. I am finding it deeply rewarding to help these boys learn to take failure in stride, to learn new ways of dealing with challenges.
Since he started working at a warehouse in Breinigsville, Roshan has been a lot happier. He tends to keep to himself and we have altered our expectations about how much he participates in family activities. That seems to have made our relationship with him a lot easier. He is happy to help make dinner and wash dishes, but beyond that, he generally prefers to stay in his room.
These boys were on their own for a while and aren’t used to having to answer to parents, so that can be onerous for them. We understand that, AND… the boys also are understanding that living in a family comes with both benefits and obligations. It’s a work in progress… I started listening to a book about the teenage brain which has been quite helpful.
It was not an easy adjustment, adding two new kids to our pretty new family of 4. I did finally get to the point of feeling completely overwhelmed and unprepared and wondering what kind of crazy I am thinking that we could handle taking on 4 teenagers when we had zero parenting experience! It is regular teenager stuff, I keep reminding myself – staying up late, sleeping all day, not wanting to do chores… I just wasn’t quite prepared for dealing with that in a situation where we have 4 of them. Neither of us was.
And somehow we all made it through that rather challenging time and things seem to be on a more even and pleasant course now. Our schedules are pretty full – that helps. Keeping them busy is not an easy thing, but it sure makes a difference in the atmosphere and attitudes! I am excited to have found a summer dance camp for teens for Aug 8-12. Roshan works during the day, but the other three boys are excited about going. I am sure it will be fun and interesting.
We are hoping to fit in a lot of fun into the last few weeks of summer. The boys have a friend coming to visit for 5 days and we will pick him up in NYC and do lots of fun things while he is here – a visit to Dorney, some go cart racing and we’ll see what other fun things we can come up with.
Ghani had a fun 1st birthday Monday – he wanted to go ice skating, so that is what we did. Even I put skates on and had a good time! Then we had a lovely picnic/party at home. We had nieces and nephews and having the younger kids around really made it feel like a party. We grew up with these kinds of parties and it is a wonderful feeling for me to be able to create those kinds of warm and fuzzy memories for our boys. OF course, I forgot all about decorations – but Sherry came to the rescue, as always!
I started writing this on Friday and it is now Wednesday and I have had to change and add things each time I have come back to it. So today I am going to send it – incomplete as it is. There is something more I want to say but I am not sure what it is, so it will have to wait until next time. Our year anniversary is coming up in a month – so I will write again then.
Mom and I are off for a big show in Dublin, OH. We leave Thursday and return Monday. We are hoping to bring back lots of “empty boxes of happiness”. J (That is what Ghani wishes us for every show.)
Thank you to every one of you for your love and encouragement. When we start to feel out of our depth and ill equipped for the challenges, the supportive words of our friends and family really do help us get through!
Oh – one more thing… We have made the switch from LCFS to Bethany. It has been a bit of a pain as we had to do the whole application process over – background checks, physicals, home inspection, even fingerprints! We are keeping the same caseworker and so far the only difference we have noticed is that we are no longer allowed to post names of pictures of the boys on social media. So we can’t tag them or post photos with them, which I find a big bummer. I have been adding pictures to google photos, so if you have the link, you can see them there. There are some really good pictures of them in AZ and at the beach.
I will look into finding another way of sharing pictures with friends and family who want to see them, without using social media. I am also going to figure out how to post these emails on a private blog so that I have them all together in one place. It will be interesting to see how they evolve over time.