If you are jumping in to this story mid-stream and would like to find out how we got here, you can read our previous installments at VirginiaEllen.com.
Family Update Spring/Summer 2021
We hope that you have made it through 2020 and the first half of 2021 with your health and sanity intact. It has been a wild and sometimes surreal ride. And for those of us who are lucky, life goes on.
And here is the update on our family adventure…
video clip of the boys playing dominos with Aunt Jane. I couldn’t put it in the email but the link should work.
It was another eventful year. I am pretty sure that is the only kind we have. Last summer we had a week at the beach and a week at Harvey’s Lake.
And this winter we managed to get in some fun skiing.
The last time we updated you, Arif had arrived safely from Indonesia with only a few days to spare. He got enrolled in high school and then the school shut down and the teachers scrambled to figure out how to do remote teaching. It is lousy luck, but still better than being stuck in Indonesia.
Arif is a real gift. He is kind and really helpful, has a mischievous sense of humor, is a diligent student, an athlete, and an amazing musician and artist. And he is a good cook. He is a bit of a restless soul – always has to be busy doing something. We had a very polite and ongoing battle about him wanting to have a full time warehouse job while he is still a student in high school. I explained more times than I can count why that doesn’t work, but every few weeks, he would bring it up again. 🙂 I have also explained many times about how having different kinds of jobs is very valuable because of the different kinds of skills and experiences gained, and that taking a job for less money temporarily could be a wise choice. He understands what I am saying, but I think the idea of working for $13-$15 and hour when he could be making $20-22 per hour is just really hard to wrap his head around.
After a rather grueling year of online schooling with daily tutoring sessions with Grandma, Arif graduated from high school in June, and is enrolled at LCCC intending to complete their pilot program and become an airplane pilot.
There is a lot of pull from the more than 20 Hazara boys who are long-haul truck drivers to join them. He has no interest, but it can be hard to resist that pressure. And those boys are making quite a lot of money. But he enjoyed the discovery flight he took at Queen City Airport and seems quite keen to pursue becoming an airplane pilot.
The Truck Drivers…
Roshan, Isa, and Ghani are all continuing to drive trucks. Roshan has his own truck, Isa now has 2 trucks, and Ghani who is partnered with his cousin (Arif K) now owns 4 trucks.
In June and July, the three of them got their citizenships and I don’t think I have ever been so fond of American flags. Between graduation, birthdays and naturalizations, we had a lot of reasons for some great parties!
Then we had a whirlwind of form filling and last minute flight booking. All three of them got their passports in Detroit – the only passport office in the US that was open for appointments! And then after quite a bit of shopping, off they went to see their fiancées and families.
Ghani left first and went to Dubai for a week to visit family and friends there. He was supposed to go directly to Pakistan, but the visa process was interminable, so he opted to fly to Afghanistan and then take a bus into Pakistan and that worked out. He is in Pakistan with his lovely fiancée, Sadiqa, who is looking forward to becoming a surgeon, and his sister, and niece, and a bunch of other friends and family and friends of family.
Ghani and Sadiqa
It is super hot there, and evidently there isn’t much electricity. They have some solar panels to charge phones and I think run the refrigerator but definitely no air conditioning. Roshan is reporting similar conditions in Kabul – it is very hot and the electricity is turned off during the day. Yikes.
Ghani and his niece
Ghani was talking about possibly stopping in either Australia or London on his way home so that he can visit family. He has family all over the place! But so far, we haven’t made any arrangements for his flight home, so I am not sure what we will do. He probably can’t leave the way he came because the Taliban have taken over the border that he crossed.
Roshan’s family met him and Isa at the airport and Roshan has been at the family home in Kabul ever since. He says that he has not left the house because it is too dangerous. Having an American passport on top of being Hazara is pretty much like walking around with a big target I guess.
Shegufa and Roshan
But his fiancée, Shegufa, is there and I get the impression they are enjoying being together, even if it is in rather tight quarters with his family.
After arriving in Kabul Isa made his way to their home district of Jaghori where he met his fiancée, Sima. I only heard from Isa once when he left me a very nice voicemail. He said that he had to go up into the mountain to get any phone signal and that the fruits were delicious and the mountains were beautiful and he was happy to see old friends in his village.
Sima
I heard from Roshan that Isa and Sima had to come to Kabul because the situation in Jaghori district is not safe. It is a heartbreaking situation. I am worried for the safety of the girls and the boys’ families in the next few weeks and months.
We have applied for a visa for Shegufa and I have the paperwork ready to send for Sima, but the average processing time for fiance visas is 8-10 months. And it will be quite a while longer before Roshan can bring his family. In the meantime I am trying to figure out how we could get them to a safe place to stay while we wait for all the paperwork to go through. So far, I haven’t found any easy solutions.
They could go to Turkey but a visitor visa is only good for 30 days and not renewable, so they would have to go somewhere else the next month, and the next month, etc. There are only a few places that offer up to 90 days for visitors and they are expensive to get to and to stay there.
There are also programs where you can buy citizenship – in Turkey if you buy $250k in real estate, you qualify for citizenship. They have a similar program in Dominica. But of course, we don’t have the resources to do that, and the aim is to bring the families here, so we just need an interim solution.
It really is a constant worry for us, and at the same time, all I have to do to shift myself out of an overwhelming feeling of dread is to think about all of my future daughters-in-law being here. All three of them are looking forward to going to college, and I am looking forward to that too. I think it will be so fun to hang out with the girls for a change!
Shortly after I wrote the last update letter, we got a new foster boy from Sudan. The first few months with him were pretty rough and we requested a different placement for him with the agency. They instead provided more case management and regular therapy sessions for him, and after a while things improved.
Mohamad’s teachers loved him and he got straight As. He is doing summer classes at William Allen and has a reading tutor, is taking swimming lessons and playing soccer. So he is pretty well staying busy and productive while still having ample time for video games and talking with friends and family.
Hedayat was treading water for a very long time. He had a dui and lost his license and the process dragged on for quite a long time. He eventually went through the mandated group therapy and counseling program and it seemed like he got a lot out of that. He even started talking at dinner on occasion.
We were quite concerned though as he didn’t have a job and wasn’t in school and seemed content to just wait for however long it took to get his license back before starting to do something productive.
As he had turned 20 and only has program support until his 21st birthday, we thought it urgent for him to get out on his own and support himself before that ran out. He and two friends who also came through the urm program got an apartment near Lansdale in late spring.
I drove him down to the apartment when he moved in and on the way down gave him the best pep talk I could muster. I admit that I had been extremely frustrated with his behavior and lack of motivation or ambition. But I managed to approach it in a positive way and told him that he is an amazing person with so much to give and it would be such a sad thing if he wasted all of his gifts. And I certainly believe that. Hedayat has a lot of heart and he has a very kind soul. I hugged him and cried and wished him good luck and hoped that he heard me.
A few weeks later, Hedayat got his license back and within a week I think he had a job. Hedayat is working Monday through Friday 8:30-5 at a factory that makes wires and he says he really likes it.
Every time he comes home he seems really happy to see us and always gives me a big hug. We are so relieved and think he is going to be okay.
Over the past year JC got more and more distant and uncommunicative and eventually downright disrespectful. Things finally came to a head in June and we asked him to leave. He has been back once or twice to pick up mail and was polite, so while we don’t know what was going on there, we are happy that it isn’t going on in our house any more.
Abu – even though Abu was only with us for a short time, he still comes back to visit and we love to see him. Abu is amazing. He thoroughly investigates something and then does it. He researched day trading and then made enough money doing that to purchase a two unit house in Philadelphia. He is living in one unit and renting out the other and will continue pursuing his degree in nursing at the Philadelphia Community College which is only a few blocks away. At the same time, he is doing delivery driving and is starting an ebay business. He is really a go getter and a wonderful guy.
So it is only 4 of us in the house now, and while it is a little quiet, it is also nice to have a bit more quality time with Arif and Mo. And they get along well. It is easier to get chores done around the house and figure out who left the dirty dishes in the sink with only the two of them and the two of us here. It won’t be for too long, I am sure. We should be getting another Hazara boy from Malaysia in the next few months, and who knows what will happen tomorrow?
I am doing well. Super busy – helping the boys with the trucking business and rebranding our Interchainables jewelry line and being everyone’s travel agent and executive secretary and form filler outer… And I am still working my very part time job, which has been a lot more challenging than usual. I haven’t had much time for pottery, and while I will keep doing some of it, I won’t be trying to do as much of it. Once we get the Irish Interchainables going and the trucking and freight brokering going, well, maybe then I will have more time in the studio. But I suspect that at this point I am more motivated to advocate for refugees and try to solve some serious problems and it feels like that is what I need to focus on for a while. Maybe I could get a job advocating for refugees?
Nolan is doing well too. His job is stressful and sometimes pretty thankless, but he keeps on keeping the lights on, and he is happier now that his office is moved into Hedayat’s old room where he gets plenty of natural light and a pleasant view. For a while his work hours were absolutely brutal. Nolan is a trouper though and things are better at the moment.
We are planning a trip to the US Virgin Islands with Arif, Abu, and Aunt Jane for early August. The Hazara Hurricanes will be back at the Umoja soccer tournament (this year in Virginia) and were disappointed to find out that Nolan won’t be there. We will be there in spirit and will miss being with all the boys for such a fun weekend.
I am sure I missed a bunch of stuff but this is already really long and at least you are now up to date on the boys’ main adventures. I will try to do this twice a year so that I don’t have to include quite as much in one letter.
Puppies, I missed the puppies story… next time!
Post Script
A friend of mine reached out to ask how the boys and their families are doing with the situation in Afghanistan. She asked if there is anything she can do and it occurred to me that I could let you know a few things that you can do, if you are so moved.
Call and write to your Members of Congress – ask them to support the Hazara people in Afghanistan and to expedite the visas for all of those who qualify for the Special Immigrant Visa program – these are folks who risked their lives to help American soldiers. Even working at a bakery that sells bread to the Americans is grounds for execution by the Taliban (It actually happened to the father of one of our boys). And the family of that person who works in the bakery is also marked for execution.
Find out if your church or community association has a program to welcome refugees into the neighborhood and if so, volunteer or make a donation. Or offer to take a refugee family out for ice cream or to a park.
Unaccompanied minors generally have foster homes and support from the agency until their 21st birthdays, but families and anyone over the age of 18 get a just few months of case management support and then are mostly on their own. They need help adapting to a completely new culture and language and way of life.
Ask a local agency that helps refugees to give a talk or presentation to your community so people can learn more about refugees and how they can support them. In Allentown, there is The Refugee Center at the Episcopal Church of the Mediator at 1620 W Turner St. They support refugee families in the Lehigh Valley and offer ESL classes and other support for families working to start new lives here.
You can also support foster parents. We understand that not everyone is up for taking on foster kids, but that doesn’t mean you can’t contribute in a meaningful way. You can still help current foster parents.
You can also get certified to offer respite care for when foster families need a break or are going on a trip where they can’t take the foster kids. Respite care is usually just a few days and it can be a lifesaver for the foster parents.
And while our focus is on the refugee community, the folks who foster domestic kids need support too. All kids need to be in loving and supportive communities so that they can grow up to be loving and successful members of our community. It is in all of our interests to help make that happen.
If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask. Nolan and I are happy to answer any questions you have.
