Catching up – October 2019 – The new guys:
Abu
Abubakar is from Ghana, has a rather long story, so I will try to keep it brief. When we met him, Abu was living with a foster family in Hellertown. This family had one 3-year-old child and lived in a remote and rural area. Abu went to the Saucon Valley high school, which has a reputation for being racist. Abu was quite lonely there and didn’t have any friends. He came to stay with us for a week when his family went out of the country, and our guys took him to the park, and to play soccer, and other fun hanging out teenage boy stuff. Abu told his caseworker that the week was the most fun he had ever.
It turned out that our home was a much better fit for Abu, so the agency planned to place him with us temporarily and then transfer him to the group home in Bensalem. But Abu was happy here and we wanted him to stay, so the agency eventually agreed to make it a permanent placement.
Abu is a very cheerful person, though he can also be shy about making new friends. He is very helpful and kind. Abu had his first interview at Walmart for a cashier position, and they offered him a job on the spot. He often works at the self-checkout and likes it very much. He is interested in technology and has plans to pursue a career in computer networking and cybersecurity. He is an excellent student. Because English is one of his first languages and he went to school in Ghana into high school, he is more academically advanced than our other boys. He has already been accepted at Northampton Community College for Fall 2020, but he is considering also applying to some local 4-year colleges.
In August, Nolan and Hedayat went to Detroit for the Umoja soccer tournament during the same weekend that my mom and I went to the Irish festival in Dublin, Ohio. We left Abu in charge of the house. I posted our several pages of “house instructions” for house-sitters on the refrigerator, and Abu was horrified to see how much work it was to manage the household, with detailed descriptions of dog and cat feeding procedures, trash and recycling schedules, and so on. I assured him that it wasn’t that difficult and that he would have help. He said that he didn’t realize how much work went into being an adult and managing a household. He was grateful that he didn’t have to manage all that stuff all the time. He did a great job managing everything, though, and I wanted to do something nice for him to show our appreciation.
Abu mentioned that he would like to have a pet cat. So we went kitten shopping and Abu picked out the kitten he wanted after meeting a bunch of them at a rescue. Abu’s new cat is named “Happy” and she is great! The day after she came home, I got a phone call from Abu who was upstairs in his room. He asked me to come up right away as he was worried about Happy. He was worried that she was sick because she was making a strange noise. I went right upstairs to find Happy snuggled up on Abu’s lap, purring contentedly. I explained that nothing was wrong – that is what cats do when they are happy. 🙂
Jean Claude
Jean Claude (JC) is part of a group of Hedayat’s and Ghani’s friends from high school. JC is from the Democratic Republic of Congo and came here with his extended family through the family resettlement program. This program offers assistance to newly arriving families for two or three months, then they are pretty much on their own. The family that JC came with was unable to support him, so partway into his senior year of high school, JC became homeless. A family we know who operates the “Living the Dream” and “After Dark” programs for teens knew JC from the program and offered to take him in. They went to his soccer games and took him to tryouts and around to visit colleges and all the normal stuff that parents do. When they went out of town, JC would stay with us. Then in May, they had some family issues and asked if JC could stay with us until he starts college, and so now JC is part of our family too.
JC is going to Northampton Community College and is living on campus. I went to an all-day orientation with him and was quite impressed with the school. Unfortunately, they don’t have reciprocity with Lehigh County, so JC pays out of county rates. But he has some scholarships and grants, so his student loans will be limited.
A More Current Update (December 29, 2019)
Ghani had moved into an apartment with several of his friends in Grand Rapids, Michigan, was working and saving money with the aim to launch a car and car part export business. Many of the people in his very large extended family are successful in this same type of business, and several uncles and cousins have offered to help/mentor/partner with him to get it started here in the United States. After doing some research, Ghani realized that it would be much more costly to conduct an export business from Michigan than from PA. He talked Arif – one of the other Michigan boys (who is also his cousin) – into going into the business with him, and they both moved back to Allentown at the end of October.
So now we have four full-time kids, and JC who is part-time, and the house feels a lot less empty than it had when everyone abruptly moved away earlier in the year. There are a few other friends of theirs who regularly join us for dinner and can often be found asleep on one of the couches in the morning. 🙂 They are great guys, and while they can get a little loud during the night, we are willing to deal with some of that in exchange for knowing that we have created a space where they feel welcome, comfortable and safe.
In October, Bethany told us about another Hazara boy (also named Arif, like Ghani’s cousin) who was living in Indonesia and approved to come to the United States, and they asked if we would take him. I checked with Ghani and Hedayat, who both knew this boy when they lived with him in the shelter, Hedayat immediately contacted him on Facebook Messenger. Arif was over the moon! We have been keeping in touch with him several times a week. He is a super guy and we were hoping he would be here for Thanksgiving, then for Christmas… but still there is no word on when he will arrive.
We initially assumed that his birthday was January 1 (most Hazara boys have this recorded as their birthday) which would mean that if he didn’t get here by Dec 31st, he would age out of the Unaccompanied Refugee Minor program and no longer be eligible for the program, and he would no longer be able to stay in the shelter in Indonesia… It is so hard for those guys. And this poor kid has been there in the refugee shelter since he was 12 years old! It has been a very long five years for him.
I lost a lot of sleep worrying about this young man, who keeps asking if I have heard anything about when he is coming. After multiple communications with our Bethany caseworker, we were informed that Arif’s official birthday is actually Feb 25th, so he is not yet in danger of aging out. We still have two months. Whew! It would have been lovely to have known that before I spent a month hyperventilating about it!
We also agreed to take another Hazara boy, Aziz, who is living as a refugee in Malaysia. He is only 16, so we aren’t as concerned about the timing of his arrival. None of the boys we know here are familiar with him, and I couldn’t find him on Facebook, so we haven’t had any communication with him yet.
For Christmas this year, we are very happy to report that all of our boys were home! Roshan, Isa, and Rohullio were all here for Christmas Eve and Christmas day! Unfortunately, Isa and Rohullio had to leave right afterward and Roshan the following day. On Friday, 12/27, Hedayat and Arif drove Roshan to Chicago, where Roshan plans to catch a ride with Isa and Habib (in their truck) to Nebraska, to meet up with his own driving partner, Ali Jan. Hedayat and Arif — Ghani’s cousin, not the one still stuck in Indonesia 🙂 — will visit with the Michigan boys for a few days and then return home.
In preparation for the sudden population increase, we obtained two additional bunk beds, a loft bed and a bunch of twin mattresses and sheet sets, so we have sleeping accommodations for 10. Of course, we still only have one small bathroom upstairs. 🙂
I have to tell you more about Isa and Roshan and their adventures, but I don’t want to make this too long.
Isa had quite an adventure this summer when he was involved in an accident while driving a truck and he ended up in jail in Iowa! Rohullio (who was his driving partner at the time) had been asleep at the time, handled it brilliantly and ultimately it all ended as well as it could. It was an expensive and stressful experience, but there were some important lessons learned and no permanent harm done to anyone, so that is great.
One of the positive outcomes was that Nolan and I demonstrated in a very powerful way that we are here for the boys no matter what. It is one thing to say that, but another thing to prove it. I think that for Isa, the experience broke down whatever remaining barriers he had about us, and he knows that we really love him and we really are his family. That is a big deal for him. I think it also made an impression on Hedayat, but I think he already pretty much got that message from us.
Most human beings suffer from some version of feeling unlovable, or unworthy. While it is a pretty universal thing, for kids who have been sent away from their families, no matter the reason, they face many challenges and they can’t help but feel rejected by their families. When someone else shows love, they can get angry and confused. It is a very natural reaction for foster kids and step-children (in my experience).
Isa is the only one of our kids who was an orphan (I intentionally used the past tense there). The others all have contact with at least some of their original family. Roshan has both parents and several siblings, Ghani has siblings, cousins and aunts and uncles, Hedayat has a mom and siblings and some cousins, Abu has a mom and a sister. After his “Iowa adventure,” Isa ended up stranded in California, so I helped him rent a car so he could drive to Arizona and visit Grandma and Grandpa LeBlanc. A couple of weeks ago, Nolan made it to Arizona to visit his parents and Isa was able to route himself via Phoenix and stop in for a visit again. And Nolan’s parents are welcoming and embracing of all the boys as their own grandchildren, so Isa knows he has family here, and he appreciates and celebrates that and it is hard to explain how awesome that is. He tells his friends that he has grandparents in Arizona, and when they ask him how that is possible, he says “that is a long story.”
On a recent visit home, Isa told me that he gets to see the whole country and there are lots of beautiful places and interesting places, and they are great to visit, but only coming back to Allentown feels like home.
I suspect that Roshan feels similarly. Roshan, who talked about getting married the first week he was with us, went back to Afghanistan this summer and got engaged to a lovely young woman who is studying pre-med at college in Kabul. His trip is quite a story – 550 people at the engagement party, some amazing photos, lots of scary stuff, bombs and other things that we can’t even begin to imagine, comprehend or appreciate about his family’s situation. We were extremely relieved when he and his driving partner arrived safely back in the US. (They were too!) We are excited about the idea of having daughters-in-law! And now Isa is also planning on a trip and already has a special someone with whom he communicates regularly.
But I think I have written more than enough for one email, so I will sign off for now. For the next update we hope to have good news about Arif S and maybe Aziz!
Wishing you all a wonderful 2020!
Love,
Virginia and Nolan