November 2017
It has been such a long time since I last wrote one of these! I am not sure where to start.
I guess I will start with the latest…
Three of our four boys now have driver’s licenses (yes, our insurance bill has gone up by a heck of a lot)! Isa just got braces and has recently joined Roshan working at the Kuhnsville Carwash. Ghani is working for Artists At Heart and still doing the occasional car detailing as well as some odd jobs for friends and family. Hedayat has not yet expressed an interest in a job, (he has been keeping busy without one!) and isn’t eligible yet as his official age is still 12, though that’s likely to change soon.
Hedayat participated in winter track; the season just finished last week. He did very well, earning numerous medals at regional track meets. He is also attending a hip hop dance class once a week. All the boys have been going to weekly volleyball practices at the school, waiting for the official volleyball season to start. Hedayat joined Isa and Ghani at tennis on Sunday afternoons, and all of the boys play indoor soccer on Saturday nights and whenever the weather is nice they get together with team members and practice at the stadium.
Our big to-do was Christmas. We had three of the boys’ friends with us for 10 days and it was just one long party! Talib from Virginia and Rohullah A from Michigan are Isa’s best friends. They are also Roshan’s friends as they all were in the same shelters in Indonesia. Rohullah G from Rochester NY is Ghani’s friend, and had already come down to visit us for a few days in the summer.
As we approached the boys’ arrival, I started to have second thoughts – it’s not that I need anything else to do, you know! And I was worried about managing everything (this seemed like such a great idea in October!) but as with our plunge into parenthood, this experience was so wonderful and special, and we were so very happy that we had done it. The boys that came to visit are like brothers, as the experiences they shared in Indonesia are probably similar in their bonding effects to what soldiers feel when they have served together through some of the most difficult times of their lives.
As you might imagine, having seven teenage boys in the house was wild! Everyone was so happy and joyful to be together again. We went all-out for the Christmas celebration, too, so in addition to family gatherings and parties, the boys opened a lot of presents. Two of them had to buy bigger suitcases to take home! We took the kids to New York City and Philadelphia, then to finish off the visit, we had a big birthday party on Jan 1st for three of the boys. January 1 is the default birthday for many people in Afghanistan, as many simply do not record their exact birth date.
All the boys got along great and they were delightful. They would stay up “all the night” talking and playing cards and drinking tea. The night before we were going to NYC I asked the boys to try to get to sleep early as we would be leaving early and I wanted them to enjoy the day. I woke up in the middle of the night and heard voices from upstairs. I was feeling pretty angry and went upstairs to give them the “what for”. When I knocked on the door, they got very quiet first, then apologized. Isa said that they knew they should go to sleep, and they were trying to go to sleep, but they just couldn’t stop talking. Needless to say, I couldn’t be angry with them after that.
When it was over, we were all exhausted and a little sad. It actually seemed empty in the house with only the 6 of us. I think it was hardest on Isa and his friends. We are planning to see them in the summer – but that feels like a distant future.
It took quite a while to get back into the swing of things, but we got there. Isa and Roshan are thinking and worrying about what to do after graduation. They are both interested in training as residential electricians. The IBEW has a great apprenticeship program that pays them and provides training so that they get associate’s degrees and become licensed. But the program is very competitive, so we are looking at options. The local vo-tech, LCTI, offers programs for adults and it is across the street from the community college, which also offers job training, ESL courses as well as other options. So, we are heading in that direction. I suspect that the best course of action would be to do one or two semesters focusing on English language skills, then focus on the job skills training.
We are feeling sad that Isa doesn’t want to go to a four year college. He loves sports so much – and he is good at every sport he tries. Attending a four year school could give him an opportunity to pursue coaching and perhaps even play professional sports. But he finds school difficult and is not motivated to do a lot of studying. His experiences of school in Afghanistan were pretty awful, so we understand why he feels less than motivated. If he understood the language better, it would probably help, but there is only so much we can do to influence him or to affect his situation. He wants to go to trade school to get a good job that will allow him to have a good life and that is a good thing, too.
We got good news this week regarding Hedayat! The powers that be have accepted all the evidence provided and agree that his birthday should be changed to September 1, 2000. So, soon he will officially be 16!
All the boys are getting pretty good grades at school – mostly As and Bs! We have a math tutor and an English tutor and mostly Isa and Ghani take advantage of this opportunity. Roshan generally only wants to do what he must do. Hedayat really doesn’t like school work at all – if he could do gym class and art all day, that would be perfect. He has no idea how intelligent he really is.
Ghani remains committed to going to college for engineering. He started doing an online class in addition to his regular classes as he is trying to earn enough credits to graduate next year. I know he will do great in college, and he has also been doing really good work for me in the studio.
Nolan and I are both doing groovy. Nolan’s job at PPL is going well and, while it stresses him out some, it is also very rewarding and they regularly express appreciation, keep investing in training, and reward him with new projects when the old projects come to an end.
I think I am doing okay. I get overwhelmed and wish I were more organized, more productive… and lately sometimes I think maybe I just need a break. One of the challenges of working from home is that you never get away from it. I miss our February trips to AZ to visit Nolan’s parents. It was wonderful to visit with them, and a good time-out for me.
With the kids, it is more challenging to take a winter break (And our budget is taking a bit longer to bounce back from the holidays – as you might imagine!) As it is now, we are planning a trip to Chicago for the first week in July for the big soccer tournament for the boys. We will do some visiting there and then stop in Michigan to visit quite a few of the boys’ friends. Since this will be probably an 8-10 day trip, we are looking at getting a pop-up camper. That could come in handy for other trips, too.
I am hoping that we will also figure out some way to manage a week at the beach in the summer… I really love that week at the beach…
As you might imagine, the political situation has caused a good bit of consternation in our household. The morning after the election, Ghani asked if we could move to Canada. I assured him that we would do whatever we needed to do to keep our family together and take care of him. Fortunately, at least for the time being, our family is safe.
But we have been getting more politically involved and that sucks up a lot of time and energy. It is important, and kind of heavy, so we try to balance that out with fun things and just enjoying the boys. One thing we are starting are fundraising parties for refugees. Our first one was Friday, February 24, and our next one will be in April so please let me know if you would like more information!
The boys love to go bowling. Over the holiday we went three times! And here is the sweetest thing – they always invite us to go. I thought it was mostly so that we could pay J but even when we offered to give them the money they still asked us to go along. They don’t mind if we leave early – but they do like us to come along, which I think is amazing. Even when I am tired or have work to do, I will go. We try to enjoy them as much as we can as the time we have is going so fast.
We have some pictures from Christmas posted here: https://goo.gl/photos/Rioyt7KxxjUrU5QU8